I have been at the same company for almost five years now. It has been a journey that has taken me down numerous different paths. Some, that have helped me grow personally and professionally. I left to live in a different state for about a year and a half and turned into your typical workaholic monster. I forgot what I was doing it for and never made the time I should have for family, loved ones, and my little guy (my Chihuahua). I gave the company all of me, if not more than all of me; to the point where after every shift I worked, I came home and laid down with zero energy to continue. It even got a little dark, for over a decade I had been battling some mental illness which I never seeked help due to that lovely mental illness stigma our society has. The only reason I came back home was because I lost my dog, he passed away, and I ran out of time. I am currently dealing with the grief even three months after his passing but we will leave that for another post.
After you give everything to a job you once loved, what do you have left? Do you keep holding on trying to wait for the flame that burned bright to burn once more? Or do you spruce up your resume and embark on a better journey? If the company you currently work at does not value you, nor see your potential, or maybe sees your potential but will not open an opportunity for you yet, do you stay? That is my real question. Do you stay when there are various reason for you to leave? When the work environment is toxic, when upper management is basically sexist, and when there is zero structure, do you stay? Would you? Seriously, would YOU reader stay in an area so toxic just because you LOVE your team and LOVE speaking to customers. Customer service has always been my thing, developing teams, coaching, team building, bonding, long hours; All of these have always been my thing. It is what I USED to love. Funny seeing that in writing. “Used to” past tense. So what do I do?
My company loves more, or so I hope they do. I have proven my worth with sales. I freaking ran an entire market by my damn self at the age of 23-24. I am what my VP likes to say, “part of the golden circle,” but then why do I feel this way being back home? I have seen more than I have ever wanted to, I know more than I ever wanted to. I do not appreciate the lack of equal treatment across the board because to me it does not matter whether you are the BEST or the WORST we should treat you the same no? The lack of appreciation and being told what to do without a real connection is what really has drained me. I do not know who I am anymore, I have lost someone I loved deeply, and I have lost myself, my passion, so where do I go from here?
Stay or go? Do I have anything else to lose? No.