Sometimes, being a young adult makes you want to die.

No, I’m not going to kill myself, let’s get that out of the way.

There is a point in your life where you stop and question everything. Whether it be because you’re single and have been for a couple of years or because you feel like you’ll never be good enough to live up to your family’s expectations. When you sit and stare blankly at the ceiling because you’re not sunshine like your older sister; instead your rain clouds and storms, more like the moon hidden behind clouds, always going through different phases.

Because you don’t say the correct things or act the right way you don’t fit in or are looked at differently. It’s like the constant suffocation of “why don’t you smile more” or “open up they can’t all be the same” or “just stay positive”. But you don’t know me, you don’t know what I’ve survived, and sometimes my own skin makes me crawl because certain times remind me of the abuse I survived.

But I can’t be sad or everyone worries, I can’t feel the way I feel, I can’t be angry, I can’t be mad, I can’t be sick, I can’t be tired, I have to be perfect and happy.

That’s not real. I can’t be the perfect younger daughter and I’m losing sight of everything and no one understands.

Being ignored. It’s annoying.

I don’t think people understand what ignoring someone can do to their mental health and self confidence. Yes, you shouldn’t care about whether or not someone responds to you in a timely manner or at all – it should be another one bites the dust type of mindset but sometimes it really does hit you.

Like why don’t you respond? Am I that much of a terrible person? What did I do to deserve this? What is something I said?

In reality, all of those questions are insecurities within oneself that needs to be worked on but that doesn’t make the feeling going away. That feeling of self doubt eventually goes away but sometimes it takes a little piece of you.

You don’t want to double, triple, quadruple text.

Then you don’t even text them at all for fear of rejection and you avoid them like the plague. Crazy huh? Maybe they do know ignoring you is going to hurt you are “get the message across” but we are adults, why can’t you send a simple message saying, “Sorry I don’t want to be friends,” or, “I’m just not feeling it.”

Maybe that’s too mature and people now a days aren’t even thinking with common sense. Silly but true, I wonder, how would they feel if they were the one being ignored?